Maybe I'm Doomed to be Poor

I don't really like the prospect of my future. Ever since I began high school, I've been fretting over what I'll choose to do with my life. I don't want to do anything regarding money, medicine, or law, to my mother's chagrin and probably to my future pocketbook's empty "stomach." I always tell Mom, who insists that my good grades deserve a prestigious career, that I'm not about to obtain a degree and pursue a career that I'll merely hate.

What the hell is there for me to do, though? I've made a habit of telling others that I'm simply going to commit suicide at age eighteen because otherwise I'll just be a passionless, jobless waste of humanity. Nobody takes me seriously, which is good, but that's still how frustrated I feel sometimes. I feel like everybody else either a) has something (Jacob's music, Lauren's psych/med/law aspirations, Jesus' and Jake's computer sci/math skills) or b) is okay with teaching. It's like the go-to career for those who don't know what they want. I, however, have nothing to me besides competency in English. Nor do I want to teach; I have no desire to be imprisoned for choking a student.

I change my mind every other week, it seems. I've wanted to study genetics, forensics, creative writing, video game design/computer science, intelligence analysis (what the hell do you major in to do that, anyway?), fashion/costume design, etc... The list goes on. I'm afraid that I'll hate everythiiiing, though. I don't want to go into college without any idea what I want. All I know is that I want enough money to support myself. Sadly, I don't trust the arts or a field like sociology to do that. I'll be taking forensics and chemistry as a junior, so I suppose that will be the deciding factor there. It's been suggested that I'm only taking forensics so that I'll know where to hide the bodies of my victims... Or that I aspire to be Abby from NCIS. And yes, that is the reason I considered forensics in the first place during junior high.

Those quizzes provided by college sites aren't much of a help. They always suggest the more artsy-fartsy majors to me. For instance, I just took a quiz that gave me a top ten list. I'm probably fucked.

• Media Arts
• Gender Studies
• Theatre (I don't act, but it included more technical aspects. Ohsotempting D: )
• Electronic Commerce
• Pre-Law (and HOW!?)
• Health Sciences
• Journalism
• Nursing
• Management Information Systems
• History

... How what why I don't even know. *sobs.* But I guess we shall see. I kind of feel like an idiot for not taking any classes relating to computer science during high school. Not knowing what I want to major in makes finding a college frustrating, too... I'm currently browsing Cornell University in New York. My only letters come from liberal arts colleges that I have little to no interest in, so I don't knoooooow.

Can I take courses in all the things? ALL OF THEM!?
Andrea! <3

P.S. - Even my palm readings say that I'm not going to have a successful career. On the upside, though, they claim this mental instability should go away and that is why I'll never make it as a poet. I'll be sane someday.