Today was the last day of first semester. I have one final to take, in Stagecraft, so I need to attend for first period on Friday and that's it. I also need to pick up my recommendation letters and application for GSA then. GSA is Governor's School of the Arts, a three-week arts program over the summer which West Virginian sophomores can apply to. Approximately 100 of us will make it in. I've decided to apply in creative writing, with a poetry portfolio (God knows how, 'cause I certainly don't). I have been panicking over this since October. I believe I have enough poetry, but because 8 pages, double-spaced, is not nearly as much room as it might sound like, I must be incredibly selective. And I have to think, will the judges like the same things I like? Is my sometimes risque or defiantly bitter nature pushing it a too far? Should I vary the poems' subjects, or should I try to stick to an overall theme? Soooooo many questions. Luckily, the portfolio isn't actually due until March at the time of the actual auditions. I just hope my theatre directors writes me up a good recommendation letter. I'm not worried about my English teacher from last year whom taught me almost all I know about poetry. She loves me (oddly enough, because I was always talking throughout that class). There's also my essay to deal with. It constitutes EXACTLY 500 words, the word limit. It just drives me ca-raaaaaaaaazy.
Part of the reason I'm so worried about this is because I can be very competitive when it comes down to it. I'm not nearly feisty as I once was; however, I won't let myself live it down if I don't make it, especially if anybody else within the creative writing field does (I only know of two others in it; one of whom I'm sometimes vitriolic best friends with), or the first of my two ex-boyfriends does, just because he beyond irritates me. I wanna stab him in the eye with my stilettos every time I see him anymore, which is quite the problem seeing as we have several mutual best friends and share a love of the theatre. It's as if he's some species of subconscious parasite and is everywhere I am. I can't stand his face, and if he makes it in and I don't (despite being in two different categories), I'll never show my face to myself ever again. HIDE THE MIRRORS AND THE WATER. I CAN'T DO IT.
As I've said at least one other time in my life, spite is the best motivator.
Love, a horrible person living off anger tonight,
Andrea <3
No comments:
Post a Comment